Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Marriage Challenge - Day 12 (8/3)

Why is it so much easier to cut acquaintances slack than those we love the most? Is it that we don't have to deal with them as often, making their flaws less noticeable? Or is it simply that we don't care for them as much? A fault (even a rather pronounced one) in a casual friend isn't as concerning to us because we aren't as invested in them in the same way that we in our family. Maybe we feel no responsibility for them... it's their life, who are we to interfere? Our parents, siblings, spouses and children on the other hand, are a completely different story. Not only do we want them to be as perfect as possible, we have had much time to acquaint ourselves with their every blemish. We feel our relationship gives us the right, nay, the responsibility to intervene on their behalf and save them from themselves.

I find myself repeating "It is not my job to fix them." The only one who can seems to take His time, and works on me in the process.


  1. Hi there! I just found your blog through BlogFrog.

    I recently finished "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller (absolutely phenomenal book, by the way) and he had a passage that applies to your post. Unfortunately, I've already returned the book to the library, so I'm paraphrasing here:

    He talks about a conversation with Susan Isaacs, author of "Angry Conversations with God" (another wonderful book) about her marriage. Basically, her "secret" was she just realized that her husband was, well, just a guy and she was just a girl. They couldn't expect the other to fix the world for them or "complete them." Once they got that, they felt free to love each other more completely.

    I think a lot of people are kind of stuck there--thinking their spouses are these magical people who will make their lives wonderful. By doing so, we can put too much pressure and responsibility on them. However, if we think of them as just a guy/a girl, we realize that they are in the same place we are and we are more free to accept them for who they are.

    I always recall this when I start to get irritated with my husband and, once I get back to realizing that he's just a guy, my heart softens again!

  2. Melinda, You are so right! I think a lot of times we expect our husbands to literally be prince charming. It would probably be very releasing to think of him as just a guy (well, my guy). :)
    I think so often we expect marriage to "fix" things. I naively thought that I wouldn't be lonely after I got married. As you can guess, this proved to be quite untrue. You are quite right about just accepting the other person. It is so easy to get selfish and want the relationship to "be good for me." The focus needs to be on each other and how we can grow with one another.