Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Recently, and by recently I mean the past couple months, I have really been getting stressed about work and life in general. It isn't that my job is terrible. I have a great boss, I mostly work at my own pace and other than the fires that have to be put out from time to time my work isn't intrinsically oppressive. I am thankful that both Hubby Dear and I have jobs, that we can poay our bills and we count ourselves blessed. However, we do feel unfulfilled. I sit at my desk and wonder "Why am I here?" The answer: salary and benefits. I know there are lots of people who work for these reasons as income is a necessity and going to the doctor on occasion is advisable. Even so, I find myself entering into a philosophical thought process and come to the conclusion that there must be more to my life than this. I want to do something with my life. Sure, I have the opportunity to help people - but what I want is to labor towards some lofty goal. I have come to the conclusion that I want to work part-time for some non-profit organization and spend time getting my Etsy and Ebay shops up and really running as well. Sitting at my desk I feel the Idealist in me slowly suffocating (mellow-dramatic, I know). I have been talking to the Lord a lot about this recently. I tell Him that if He wanted us to wander the desert for a while so we can appreciate the promised land, we are so there. Ready to appreciate. In order to keep myself from becoming a droopy, wistful human being I am trying to practice two things. One is an attitude of expectation. My Creator knows exactly how He made me. He gave me my strengths, my desires, and placed specific burdens on my heart. I am confident that He will fulfill that he gave me, and will dispel my own imperfect desires as I walk with Him. With that in mind I have resolved to go forward confidently, knowing that the day may come (and it may be today) when the next part of the plan is revealed. The other is the habit of a happy heart. My head is ringing with the lyrics of a VeggieTales song, "A thankful heart is a happy heart, be glad for what you have - it's an easy place to start." Simple, yet challenging. We'll see how Day 1 goes.